flesh & blood


Originally uploaded by beccaplusmolly

the last 10 days have been intense for my three children. we’ve had our usual school / playcentre routines playing louder & louder as we approached the end of term / end of year. added to that we’ve had a birthday party to attend, a christmas party to organise & attend, 10 days of swimming lessons in a row plus six days of swimming at school. throw in 2 tummy bugs & 2 ear infection & 3 farewells & really it’s been fun but probably a bit much.

all three children were in bed & asleep at 6.30 tonight (most unusual) but at 9pm my youngest was up & about for an hour and then my middle son woke having wet the bed. sheets changed, him showered & changed & comforted & back in bed by 11pm.

i hadn’t felt like a good parent today – too much shouting & flapping about, not enough smiles & cuddles but two things redeemed those feelings – a shared swim with my middle boy & the round of comforting & re-settling with both boys.

I do love them & know how to care for them, I just need to love & care for myself somewhere in all of this.

seven wonderful things about today

flat out

Originally uploaded by beccaplusmolly

my mother orchestrated a deliciously long sleep-in for me

my daughter was angelic almost all day

the sun shone & the sky was blue

i could enjoy my family

our dog is recovering well from major knee surgery

i discovered (& enjoyed) a new band on the radio – the school of seven bells

my husband was loving, sexy & kind

where’s the wonderland?

before my first child was born and i was newly on maternity leave, impatiently waiting the arrival, i emailed a colleague saying i was bored and needed to find a hobby.  as a mother of three grown children, she sensibly replied that when my baby was born i would find that more than enough hobby.

she wasn’t suggesting that my life should only be filled with baby but that for the first while it would only be filled with baby. yet still in my mind motherhood was going to be incredibly tranquil, with plenty of spare time to be filled with reading, baking, writing poetry and a novel or two.

almost five years since my daughter’s arrival and nine months since my twin sons were born i find there is a little time for me.  my mothering skills are getting honed on some pretty tough stuff: two years of single motherhood, three years of undiagnosed bipolar disorder and a stillborn child.

my recent labour weekend was filled with a wheezy baby (just a cold but he has small tubes), vomit and poo in places they just shouldn’t be and general exhaustion.  it was also filled with the most incredible love for my husband who has stood by me through the last three years, love for my beautiful baby son and excitement at the thought of giving my daughter two dresses for her Barbie dolls.

my hobbies turn out to be writing (occasionally), reading (as often as possible), and taking photographs. i am creating my own wonderland and i’m no Alice.