when you have very big feelings
& by that I mean:
enormous, crushing, raucous,
crushing, loud –
what you want to do
is shut them down.

what this means is when i am with you,
i feel nothing,
i am not here,
& my heart hurts less
for now.

copyright: rebecca leathem 2016


I was the most precious angel

tho’ I felt more crazy than that.


I dumbed myself down

to the helpless girl –

those adult things aren’t for me.


the grief had the strangest


it slowed time to

the point of incapacitation.


my self: crushed & broken,

not forever –

just for now.


copyright rebecca leathem 2016


from B
notes on a party
fancy dress, cross dressing
a house fire
parentals to stay
& aroha

from K
dated 1986
before she got sick
plans for university
news of a boyfriend
a holiday, sport, hope

from R
word that
women at IBM
aren’t allowed to wear
low backed dresses
or trousers.


copyright rebecca leathem 2016