today i had a meeting that i was totally in a panic about. it was a situation i wanted to avoid. my thoughts about it sent me into spin. i couldn’t think of anything good that could come from it.
now that it is over and i find the world hasn’t closed in it is an interesting exercise to think about what it was about the situation that made me so freaked out and agitated.
firstly it was not having total control of the situation, even feeling like i had no control.
secondly it was not wanting to have to deal with these people (but not really having an option of opting out).
& thirdly wondering if the outcome of the meeting would have a negative impact on my family.
these were all panic statements, worst case scenarios. what i did have control of was my actions and words. accepting that the meeting had to go ahead and waiting to see what the impact was also helped me get through.
i need to find a balance between total negativity & foolish optimism then life might take a different turn.
life has been full of craziness around here. much of which i am not in a position to write about. with an overload of stress, a new baby busily growing, a now five year old and a 15 month old there is not a lot of sleeping going on but much running around keeping other people happy and fed. my poor brain just doesn’t seem able to cope: first i had a small manic attack as my medication levels dropped and now i can’t remember essential things like my flickr password, my internet banking password, where my keys are and what the heck this book i am reading is all about.
i know it’s just my body telling me it’s overloaded and i would try to take some time for me but seriously, there just isn’t any and other people in my family are as overloaded as i am. so i take a deep breath, feel my baby moving inside of me, sleep when i can. eat well and walk often. that will do for now.