where’s the wonderland?

before my first child was born and i was newly on maternity leave, impatiently waiting the arrival, i emailed a colleague saying i was bored and needed to find a hobby.  as a mother of three grown children, she sensibly replied that when my baby was born i would find that more than enough hobby.

she wasn’t suggesting that my life should only be filled with baby but that for the first while it would only be filled with baby. yet still in my mind motherhood was going to be incredibly tranquil, with plenty of spare time to be filled with reading, baking, writing poetry and a novel or two.

almost five years since my daughter’s arrival and nine months since my twin sons were born i find there is a little time for me.  my mothering skills are getting honed on some pretty tough stuff: two years of single motherhood, three years of undiagnosed bipolar disorder and a stillborn child.

my recent labour weekend was filled with a wheezy baby (just a cold but he has small tubes), vomit and poo in places they just shouldn’t be and general exhaustion.  it was also filled with the most incredible love for my husband who has stood by me through the last three years, love for my beautiful baby son and excitement at the thought of giving my daughter two dresses for her Barbie dolls.

my hobbies turn out to be writing (occasionally), reading (as often as possible), and taking photographs. i am creating my own wonderland and i’m no Alice.

they’ve gone away

it seems like a good day to begin. i’m here with the little guy and they have gone away for a week. i spend some time each day wishing they’d bugger off and now that they have of course i miss them.  i’m enjoying the space but i miss them. just like arnie, they’ll be back so no real fear of loneliness.