look how they wave to you

look how they wave to you

Originally uploaded by beccaplusmolly

time has been marching on: two children’s birthdays, a school term, some holidays, a house move. more school, more playcentre. some illness.

i find companionship in online spaces – twitter & facebook. i find companionship in the community closer to home – at playcentre.

i struggle with my mood disorder. i try to learn more about myself and strategies for parenting well & unwell.

and all the happy people & i feel like i’m in that stevie smith poem & one day i’ll say to you: ” Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.”

just one kiss

just one kiss

Originally uploaded by beccaplusmolly

when you have children sometimes it can be hard to spend time together as a couple. adult time. but this is one of the sets of times that recharge us and make us feel like us again.

the ingenious way we spend some time together is night time housework. we do dishes, fold washing, put away toys. ok, so not our best best time together but time stolen from the lives of busy parents & turned into companionship is worthwhile. & we kiss.

expecting the worst

today i had a meeting that i was totally in a panic about. it was a situation i wanted to avoid. my thoughts about it sent me into spin.  i couldn’t think of anything good that could come from it.

now that it is over and i find the world hasn’t closed in it is an interesting exercise to think about what it was about the situation that made me so freaked out and agitated.

firstly it was not having total control of the situation, even feeling like i had no control.

secondly it was not wanting to have to deal with these people (but not really having an option of opting out).

& thirdly wondering if the outcome of the meeting would have a negative impact on my family.

these were all panic statements, worst case scenarios.  what i did have control of was my actions and words. accepting that the meeting had to go ahead and waiting to see what the impact was also helped me get through.

i need to find a balance between total negativity & foolish optimism then life might take a different turn.