me & pete
Originally uploaded by beccaplusmolly
in late news: my new son was born on september 24th. 4.29kg (9lb7oz) and 53cm long. we couldn’t be happier with him. yes it was love at first sight.
three generations of us
October 27, 2009
img_0944.jpg
Originally uploaded by jamesotron
my mother is an amazing woman. she never ceases to inspire me & to help me to be as courageous as i can possibly be. she challenges me. she loves me. she drives me crazy as well.
my daughter is an amazing girl.she never ceases to inspire me & to help me to be as courageous as i can possibly be. she challenges me. she loves me. she drives me crazy as well.
i hope i do the same for them. i know i drive them crazy at least.
we’re unconventional together
July 24, 2009
too hot for trousers
Originally uploaded by beccaplusmolly
a little different
July 21, 2009i can celebrate the difference of others: they speak a language other than English, they may have published a book, have raised five children and homeschooled them, whatever – their difference is a badge of honour, something to be proud of.
for myself i have always found the path of difference tougher to travel. as a child i hated being given brown bread in my school lunch or that my lunch came in a brown paper bag instead of a slick plastic lunch box. (these days i’m glad of both of these things). the difference i struggle with now is my bipolar disorder (or manic depression as it was once known as). i resent how my moods can rule my life and my behaviour. i resent the medication i need to take to help keep things on track. i am angry that i will not be able to breast feed my new baby when he arrives in september. i just want to be one of the crowd.
expecting the worst
May 25, 2009today i had a meeting that i was totally in a panic about. it was a situation i wanted to avoid. my thoughts about it sent me into spin. i couldn’t think of anything good that could come from it.
now that it is over and i find the world hasn’t closed in it is an interesting exercise to think about what it was about the situation that made me so freaked out and agitated.
firstly it was not having total control of the situation, even feeling like i had no control.
secondly it was not wanting to have to deal with these people (but not really having an option of opting out).
& thirdly wondering if the outcome of the meeting would have a negative impact on my family.
these were all panic statements, worst case scenarios. what i did have control of was my actions and words. accepting that the meeting had to go ahead and waiting to see what the impact was also helped me get through.
i need to find a balance between total negativity & foolish optimism then life might take a different turn.
seven wonderful things about today
May 23, 2009
Originally uploaded by beccaplusmolly
my mother orchestrated a deliciously long sleep-in for me
my daughter was angelic almost all day
the sun shone & the sky was blue
i could enjoy my family
our dog is recovering well from major knee surgery
i discovered (& enjoyed) a new band on the radio – the school of seven bells
my husband was loving, sexy & kind
brain malfunction
May 9, 2009life has been full of craziness around here. much of which i am not in a position to write about. with an overload of stress, a new baby busily growing, a now five year old and a 15 month old there is not a lot of sleeping going on but much running around keeping other people happy and fed. my poor brain just doesn’t seem able to cope: first i had a small manic attack as my medication levels dropped and now i can’t remember essential things like my flickr password, my internet banking password, where my keys are and what the heck this book i am reading is all about.
i know it’s just my body telling me it’s overloaded and i would try to take some time for me but seriously, there just isn’t any and other people in my family are as overloaded as i am. so i take a deep breath, feel my baby moving inside of me, sleep when i can. eat well and walk often. that will do for now.
oh i miss flickr though.
transitions
March 22, 2009
Originally uploaded by beccaplusmolly
it’s been a while since i have been able to set aside some time for writing and peaceful thinking but being assigned to bed rest seems like it might be the right moment.
our little family has been in transition lately. firstly, over the christmas holidays we moved house for the third time in less than two years. (sigh). a move that although a little sad is also positive. we have shacked up with my mum in the medium term, hopefully so we can save some money and pay off some accumulated debts.
then of course we have had the first anniversary of jacob and findlay’s birth. a celebration and a memorial. some laughter and some tears. sounds cliche but for us it was true. i am so proud to see my little son growing, walking, learning about books and language. i also mourn my little boy who died and wonder how life would be different if he had been here with us.
now my eldest child (daughter) is making tracks to school. she turns five on april 27 and has had two school visits. she has gone from saying “mum i don’t want to start school until i am 50″ to being a kid who can’t wait for Tuesday morning which is visiting day. she is so ripe for greater learning it’s exhilirating, we merely follow in her wake.
and then the bed rest… i am almost 12 weeks pregnant but have had some bleeding. it’s not major, heavy or full of pain but it causes some anxiety. i had a scan this week which showed the baby’s heart beating and movement. so far, so good. i am off to see the midwife at the end of this week and will try to stay off my feet in the meantime. i am want to be excited but need to hold on to my heart for now.
storm clouds II
January 22, 2009
Originally uploaded by beccaplusmolly
today one of the scariest things that can happen to a parent happened to me. my four year old daughter (accompanied by a three year old friend) went missing from our home. Initially we (the parents and one grandparent) searched the house and garden, then the nearby neighbourhood, then we got in cars and searched further afield. our neighbours and friends climbed on the bikes and into the cars to join the search. no luck.
the girls, one blonde and one brunette, were clothed in their swimming togs and in bare feet. My daughter knows our area very well on foot. The other lass was visiting from England.
the suburb we live in is considered a very safe neighbourhood. I was hoping, hoping, hoping that the girls had just wandered off. I was terrified that someone had put them in their car and stolen them.
after more than half an hour of missing children my mother called the police. within minutes the sound of sirens and a police helicopter rang out across the suburb. there is not much to chill a mother’s veins than those two sounds whilst knowing it is her child they are searching for.
another half hour and the girls were returned to us in a police car. they had walked more than two kilometres, crossed a pedestrian bridge and many many roads to another suburb close by. the police helicopter had spotted them entering a house (of their accord). the woman in that house rang the police. she is the mother of one of my daughter’s friends. bless her.
the girls arrived home safe. with big smiles on their faces. riding in a police car is exciting, after all.
as they arrived two mothers wept with relief. the storm clouds had passed.
